If you’ve ever heard the “typical” autism story, you will already be aware that many have said that people on the spectrum are not emotional, they don’t connect with people - they just keep to themselves.

I think this is where people are totally wrong. People on the autism spectrum (no matter which end they are at) totally have meaningful connections with many people. However, they can be different and certainly may not appear that they do if you are looking at a person through the lens of a neuro-typical person.

I have been involved in many autism programs and talked to so many parents over the years who get hyper-focused on the “speech” element of autism. They think that if a person cannot hold a verbal conversation then there may be no hope for them to be able to function adequately in the world. I am here to tell you that that’s wrong.

If you ask a speech pathologist, I am sure they will tell you that many other things happen before speech actually takes place. If you consider a baby, do they communicate? Yes, they cry, they make noise, they may move their body if they can. You can also tell by facial expressions and gazes what they may be wanting or needing in any given moment. These are meaningful connections that in the realm of a typical person eventually blend into gestures then speech and everything in between.

For those on the autism spectrum, sometimes the beginning things didn’t happen or they may be happening at a much slower rate than you’d expect. Sometimes steps are actually missed. I remember one professional asking me how our son crawled - forward or backwards. Apparently he had missed a step of what was to come before walking.

That doesn’t mean that the relationship or the connection they share with people is not meaningful. In fact, sometimes many people talk so much that you have to tune them out because they are saying too many words for your brain to comprehend. This could be people who are on the spectrum or not. My daughter who is on the spectrum can get into explaining the minutest details of many things. She retains such specific information on anything she is interested in and can talk about it endlessly. She will still be talking long after I have tuned out. But since she is on the spectrum, I usually give her the space and time to finish her thoughts.

Some of the connections I personally experience are glances - sometimes just to share a smile or laugh and sometimes it may be to gauge what the other persons mood is. I also experience gestures like touching an arm or putting your leg over someone else’s leg when you are sitting and relaxing. I see many things through non-verbal communication like body language and being very upset or happy. Also, I see many different feelings come out just from facial expressions and movement. It’s amazing how you can tell a person’s mood just by looking at their face and body.

I find many connections with my children are through activities - doing something we both enjoy together and sharing those moments of pure happiness and fulfillment from the activity. With my daughter, I share a love of being creative through different art mediums - some of which she has taught me. With my son, we share a love of photography and musicals. With both of my children, I feel a strong bond and connection when we participate in these things together.

See connections are not necessarily about the words you say, they may be actually about the things that you do not say.

God wants us to make connections with others as we need others to share our lives with. He wants us to show love towards one another.

1 John 4, says,

“Dear friends, let us love one another for love comes from God.
Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.”

I hope we can all show love to everyone, no matter what the circumstances, as it is commanded by God.

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church