Peace And Quiet

The importance of peace and quiet cannot be described.  Our daily lives seem so busy - running from one thing to another, getting home, making dinner, cleaning up and then just trying to have a little “down-time” before bed. When we are trying to sleep, sometimes we are thinking of tomorrow's “to do” list and it’s hard for our brain to shut off.  It’s no wonder that a lot of people are anxious and stressed!

For people with autism, you have to times everything by 100 because that’s the way they feel things in their bodies and their minds. If you are anxious, they feel it way more and this can affect their mood and behavior. When you live with autism, you crave every little bit of those peaceful moments.  You savor them, you cherish them and when you are in the midst of a storm, you hold onto them imagining when they will come again. It’s hard to deal with the tumultuous moments when you feel anxious and stressed. 

I find that with both of my children, they crave the quiet moments. They want to feel good.  They want to be regulated, but they have different coping mechanisms to make this happen.   Even if they are having a rough time or day, they want to feel peace and they are constantly working towards that in their own way.  For our daughter, it’s completely shutting everyone out of her personal space.  She either won’t respond, or she will say that she needs to be alone for awhile and not to bother her.  This could take anywhere from an hour to an entire evening.  It depends on what has been going on in her day.

For our son, it can be a commotion of noise and lots of dialogue while trying to get a handle on his emotions so that he can get back to the “peaceful moment”. He also has times where he can regulate within a few minutes to sometimes it taking hours.  

As a parent, when you are dealing with such emotions, it can stress and drain you even more and you have to have your own coping strategies so that you can be a support system while this is happening. 

Although there are two totally different reactions, the ultimate goal is to be able to self-regulate and get back to the peaceful and quiet state.

In the Bible, it talks about “peace like a river”  in Isaiah 66:12a  

“For this is what the Lord says: “I will extend peace to her like a river…”

It’s interesting that these things are paired together because when you think of a river flowing or listen to the sound of waves lapping, you automatically feel stress release from your body.  Nature is a great way to achieve these moments and it’s in God’s creation that we can find our moments. Imagine walking in the woods or hiking up a mountain or listening to the rain. These are truly gifts from God!

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church

Connecting Through Passions

We all connect with people in different ways and through our different experiences.  When you live with someone on the autism spectrum, you sometimes have to think out of the box for ways to connect with them in a meaningful way.  This is something that I previously struggled with in our family.  

For our son, I really had to expose him to many things to find out where his interests lie.  I was pleasantly surprised with what I found.  I found out that we both had a lot in common.  When he first started high school, he had recently discovered an interest in photography.  He had taken some on-line classes during Covid and had won a professional camera.  At first when I was trying to help him figure things out, I was just doing it for him.  The more he progressed with a few courses at school, the more I became interested in this as well.  Every time we figured out something new, I got excited and wanted to learn more about it with him.  I remember one of his classes, it was the middle of winter and we had to go outside so that he could shoot photos at a certain speed.  We brought the tripod and trudged through the snow to a main street and set up all the equipment and set the camera to the proper speed.  It was a lot of fun and an experience that I will never forget.

What I discovered was a shared passion.  Sometimes, we don’t have a lot of time to spend taking pictures, but when we do I not only look forward to spending time together but developing a strong connection.  The other day we went for a drive and just stopped and took random pictures.  It was such a great way to connect with each other.  We are trying to turn this passion into a small business for him so this summer we are taking the time to create beautiful products like hats, t-shirts, prints etc so that he can continue to explore this passion and work towards developing more self-confidence and his future.  

I feel so honoured to be by his side, not only helping him, but enjoying the process of everything he is doing.  I believe that God has blessed us with this opportunity of working together.

As for my daughter, we also connect artistically.  She has taught me how to do some jewellery making and I sit with her sometimes and am just in awe of her talent.  She is so creative and makes her own jewellery, designs for just about anything and she can make her own patterns and sew clothing.  Although we don’t connect as much due to our schedules, we still have a shared passion for creativity and I appreciate her talents so very much.  I try to spend  time with her whenever I can. I love the way her mind works.

God has blessed us with our children and the differences that the world perceives can actually be a blessing in disguise.  

Psalms 112:2 says,  “Their children will be successful everywhere: an entire generation of godly people will be blessed.”

I am grateful to God for both of my children and I will continue to help them develop into the people that God has intended them to be.

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministry Coordinator
Amberlea Church

Summer Is Here!

Yes, I said it, summer is finally here!  For some parents, this is very good news and for others it can be a time that you experience extreme anxiety.  I am talking about the parents with children on the autism spectrum.  All of a sudden the routine has changed.  The days look different and this can totally throw your child into turmoil.  I found that when our son was younger, even doing something extremely fun like a camp, came with added stress, sometimes crying and just overall unhappiness because of what to expect.  The people were different, the environment was different and very often he did not know anyone.

I believe that even with the best plans and intentions, things can go badly.  One time I had our son in an autism camp. The staff was fully qualified and there were good ratios of staff to children.  I so badly wanted him to participate so that he could work on his social interactions with his peers.  I ended up having to “hang around” the place because he was unsure of the people and he wanted to have me close in case he didn’t make it through the entire day.  I did this happily as I wanted him to experience at least some of the fun activities that they were doing with the kids. I remember one day they had reptiles and they let me come in which was really nice of them.  

Camps can quite often be a challenge especially if no one there truly knows your child.  I also presumed with our son that the more things he was in, the better his summer would be, but boy was I wrong about this.  Turns out that our son loved his down time.  He wanted to have no structure.  He wanted to do his own things and just not be forced to think or participate.  Our son had done many years of at home therapy and he was always in a structured schedule and environment and eventually it just caught up with him and he was mentally finished.  Now as he’s older, he likes going up to the cottage and just being with nature and we make little day trip plans or plans to go see musicals.  It’s a lot of fun and boy it took me many years to figure this out.  I think each person has to figure out what works best for their child.

The summer can also be a good time to try things that you don’t normally have time for during the year.  We started going to live theatre a few years back as our son really loves it.  Now we normally go to one or two more expensive musicals downtown, but we have also found a really great live outdoor theatre by our cottage and we go and see at least 3-4 shows per summer.  It’s really economical and the shows are amazing!! Sometimes he sings and claps throughout and I totally love seeing him in this way.  It makes my heart so happy!

Every person in the autism community is different and we have to be in tune with these differences but also try to enhance their strengths and find out where their true passion lies. Both of our children are very creative but in different ways.  Our son is a really good photographer and this summer I am hoping to help him create some stock so that he can start to sell his things on-line.  This is one of his passions.  He also likes to do crafts and create other things. 

Our daughter is an amazingly creative person.  She is in graphic design at university and her creative power is so unbelievable. She is a true artist/illustrator and creates her own art/prints.  She makes jewelry.  She does photography.  She sews and makes her own patterns. She has created many clothing costumes etc.  She is so multi-talented and I am blown away by her creativity!

With creative people comes the struggles of time-management, anxiety and other stressors that others wouldn’t be bothered by.  In our house, anxiety can be amped through the roof from 1-10 within a couple of minutes.  This can create chaos and stress for everyone in our house and at times it’s either one or the other that this happens to but all of us pay the consequences.  This can be extremely challenging.

I am grateful to God for giving us the tools as a family to deal with unexpected situations.  My husband and I long for those peaceful moments and we cherish these so much.  When we have drama happening, we try to spell each other off to keep our environment as calm as we can until it passes.

We have learned techniques over the years and we try our best to use them in chaotic moments.  If you have a child on the spectrum you will understand “the moments” I am talking about.

I feel that my faith has strengthened as an autism parent.  I think back to when the diagnosis happened and all of the challenges that came after.  It was so very difficult, so much more than I ever could have imagined, but I remember my husband saying to me to just keep the faith, trust God.  That has always stuck with me, even in the darkest moments.  I believe that God had and continues to have a plan for my life and that of our children and the more I trust, the more he guides me in the right direction.  I always remember that I am not alone and that God is always there beside me each moment of every single day. 

Autism is a journey of hills and valleys and flatland.  I love coasting on the flatland.  I hate the valleys but know that they are necessary for growth and when climbing the hills, God gives me the strength I need to get to the top of the mountain.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for,
the conviction of things not seen.”  
Hebrews 11:1

 Keep the faith, God will not let you down!

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church