Possibilities

In life, there are so many possibilities. You can look at the possibility of each new day as it happens, the possibility of things that you want to look forward to in the future as well as just the possibility of the unknown.

 I believe that even people with autism have many possibilities.  These may look different but nonetheless have the same impact.  When I first started this journey, I think I felt robbed of any possibilities. I saw everyone around me having these experiences and that was just not my reality or the reality of our family.  I felt defeated, sad and alone most of the time and I didn’t want to think about “future possibilities.” 

 Today, this is not my reality at all. I’ve learned that kids and teens on the autism spectrum have many possibilities, chances or dreams as you may call them.  Just because their dream doesn’t look like someone else’s doesn’t mean that it is not true or does not exist.  As a parent, it is extremely hard to get out of your own head space and look beyond and dream beyond for your child because you are the voice and the one that can make these possibilities happen for them. We are the voices for our children.

 When our son first started high school, my husband and I talked and we did some research and thought that if he got 15 credits then that would be enough to get into certain programs at college.  We started off aiming for this possibility for him.  What we found is that we didn’t aim high enough! We thought he could do a combination of credit and non-credit bearing courses.  The first year, we discovered that he was bored with some of these non credit bearing classes, so the following year, we put him in all credit courses.  I told the school that it didn’t matter if it took him two tries to get that credit, but that was our goal. He now has all of his high school credits!

 To our surprise, he was able to get through the majority of his courses with a fairly good grade.  That’s not to say that he didn’t work extremely hard to do this. Our son is an incredibly hard worker and as a parent, I have figured out over the years, the best way to help him get through and even thrive!

 High school is opening up a new world of possibilities to him that we never imagined when we first began.  We are now looking forward to the college experience (on his terms) and will continue the journey to the possibilities for his future.  

Autism can be so overwhelming at different stages and times of your child’s life and believe me just because I am writing this doesn’t mean that we still don’t have challenging times and moments because we do. I always want to aim the bar super-high and if either of my kids don’t get there, that’s totally fine, but I will always help them strive to be the best version of themselves that they can be.

I am so grateful to God for putting me in this community and being able to influence, help and even create lasting friendships with people who are in the same situation as myself.  There is always an unspoken language between autism parents and it feels good to be able to have a community that loves and supports each other no matter what.

Hebrews 10:24,25 says, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another.”

My hope is that everyone sees all of the possibilities that their children have.

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church

Autism Awareness Month

I thought I would write a blog this week because April is Autism Awareness Month. Ask different people what this means and you will hear different answers - even in the autism community.  

For me, it’s just about learning or, in fact, educating people on one small detail.  We sometimes presume that people “just know.”  I don’t even know everything and I’ve been in this community for two decades!   

When I think of what I really want people to know about autism is that it’s not a disease - it doesn’t define a person.  It doesn’t make a person “less than” anyone else. In my opinion, it is not a “gift” even though one of our kids was identified as gifted.  It is for sure a different life and it is, in fact, very difficult at times. There are many things that can contribute to the success or demise of a day.  People on the spectrum see things different, they feel things different and they act differently at times from their peers. There is nothing wrong with this, it is just different.

I talk to my children the same way that I would anyone else, even if I don’t get the reply back that I expect.  I treat them as normally as I can but I am also sensitive to their specific needs and challenges.  For example, I know the face that our daughter makes when she is totally and completely overloaded and overwhelmed and cannot speak.  I know how our son is feeling just by the choice of shows he is watching.  When the frantic text comes that she doesn’t know what to do and I have to calmly talk her through the situation and when he takes 15 mins to come out of the car into the house.  I know what all of these mean and I don’t have to ask questions. 

I’ve heard the hurtful comments and I know that sometimes people may be so grateful that they don’t have to deal with some of the issues that our family does.  But I also truly believe and know that God created our family.  This is His plan for us and He gets us through the hard times and even brings such beautiful moments into our lives.  For this I am truly grateful.  I am grateful that I can count on God to bless our family and He gives us what we need to get through each day.

If I had to make an outward observation on the world, my wish would be for more kindness, more understanding - sometimes just a smile or a wave to a child.  The little things are what can make all of the difference in someone’s day.  Also, if you have a question, it is ok to ask.  Sometimes you can educate people just by engaging them.

There is not a reference to “autism” in the Bible, but Proverbs 31:8-9 says,

”Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute.  Open your mouth, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.”

Do you know anyone with autism?  If so, perhaps you can make a point to talk to them, write them a note or do something special for them this month so that they know that people care about them.

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church

Moments of Turmoil and Frustration

I feel that I need to do a follow up blog on moments in autism life that are not so great.  These are the moments that are the hardest to deal with for the child and especially for the parents.  When I talk to parents, we talk seriously about these moments. Our life is not an Instagram page of “happy times”.  The “real” life of autism can be very scary and hard to deal with.

 Life in the autism world is like living in a different universe.  Outsiders may not be able to totally fathom what goes on in this world.  I think if they did, they would run away extremely fast!  Each day can be challenging and I am extremely grateful for happy and calm moments. I relish in the peace and quiet when it comes.

 Let me tell you about some recent turmoil and definite frustration in our home.  Without getting into too many details, our son has immune system challenges that are dealt with medically.  Unfortunately, in the month of February, he has been ill for the entire month.  First it was a viral throat situation and then (through some yearly tests that we have done) we found out he had a bacterial infection in his gut.  This is extremely uncomfortable and painful and I am sure that everyone can relate to having an upset stomach.  This is much worse because it actually takes probably 3 weeks or so of medication to get rid of this type of infection. The physical pain is one component but the emotional pain is also very real.

 So things in our house have been very unsettled.  We have many sleepless nights because of our son being in a lot of physical pain.  This has affected all of our household.  We have had yelling and screaming and all kinds of emotions happening and at all hours of the day and night.  Our daughter actually had to go to sleep at a friend’s house one night because she was so tired. To top it all off, I’ve had to manage trying to be calm and stable and just supporting him while he goes through this. This is extremely hard when it’s a month of this going on. I have to say, I have not been at my best and I was very happy when he finally was able to go to school last week. We are still dealing with a few issues but the worst has passed and it couldn’t have come soon enough because I was totally physically and emotionally drained. The frustration and agitation from our son has really taken its toll.

 Dealing with emotions and feelings when you have autism is very difficult, whether you are verbal or non-verbal. You may know that your child is sick but they may not be able to tell you exactly what is going on. For some parents, they either have to guess or try to get a doctor to figure out what is happening.  This is so very hard on everyone involved. 

 I believe that God has given me a great big extra dose of patience for these times that are difficult to cope with. I know that I cannot do it on my own.  Every day this was happening, I just said a prayer to God to heal our son’s body because I know that everything is out of my hands. I have to leave things to God and trust that He will not allow me to get to a breaking point and if that does happen, I have to pray for more patience. 

Prayer has been such an important part of my faith journey.  I pray each and every day.  Sometimes it’s for specific things and sometimes it’s for God just to give me the strength to get through the day.  I make it a point of especially praying for families who are dealing with autism.  I pray that God gives strength and wisdom to these parents and that they feel that they have someone to turn to when things are difficult.  I also pray that God gives me the words to comfort and help the families that I deal with on a regular basis so that they will be able to see and feel the presence of God through our conversations.

Mark 11:24 says,
 “Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer,
believe that you have received it and it shall be yours.”

 Say a prayer today for someone you know who is dealing with autism.  I guarantee God will hear your prayer!

 
Shelly Wedge|
xceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church