When I think about God's plan for our family, I can honestly say that I had more than a few doubts from the very beginning. From diagnosis of autism (for both of our children) with emotional turmoil to navigating the system to the everyday struggles with ups and downs, tears and pain, it is hard to believe that this was God's plan for our lives. Living in those moments of the early days, as a mom, I was angry, hurt, overwhelmed, humiliated - - just so many raw emotions. I don't know how I made it from day to day or even hour to hour.

I still remember my husband telling me that we have to keep the faith. I always remember these words. I remember thinking to myself that I don't know if I can have faith in a God that would let this happen. Life was so rough and I struggled so much for many years. No one really knew how tough it was for me to live in this situation. I had no one to talk to about it and I felt very alone. My husband and I had each other but we were so exhausted with all the things we had to deal with that it was hard to support each other.

I remember thinking to myself how unfair it was that we had to go through this. I always listened to the other moms at the school complaining about their trivial problems and I always tried to smile back, but inside I was crying because I knew that my life would never look like that. There were so many times that I doubted the capabilities of both of my children and I wondered how we were ever going to find a way through.

It was tough and I encountered many horrible people. There were people that didn't believe in what was possible with autism. There were people that talked about both of our kids (and not in a good way). Even professionals that you may expect more from, sometimes disappointed us.

But guess what! God had a plan. He had a very specific plan and although it was hard for me to keep my faith, He never gave up on me or our family. God put a fight within me that entered my entire being and knew that I had to fight every step of the way for our children and I did, we did. I did everything. I was at the school every day, talking to teachers, EAs, and parents. I was involved in all of the professional appointments and therapies and did and learned everything I could to make it better at home for all of us. I learned. I persisted. I never gave up and you know what, God never gave up on me - - even at my lowest of lows, He was there. God had a plan and I don't even know what our life would be like without autism. I can't imagine it and I don't want to ever imagine it because it is exactly the way God planned it.

My faith has grown ten-thousand fold. God gave me a platform to help other people who are in similar situations that I am and I have been able to actually watch my children thrive. It's only by the grace of God that these things are possible. It's only because He is always there holding my hand, cheering me on, bringing people into my life to help or to help me.

Our F.A.C.E. ( Fun Autism Community Experiences) group never would have happened if it wasn't for God's plan. He always has a plan even when we cannot see it. Even in the darkest, scariest moments of our lives, God is there and His plan has a purpose for all of our lives and the lives of our children. All we need to do is trust God, pray to God and have faith that God has our back. He will never let us down. He will comfort us when we cry and He will make a path through so that He can be glorified. I surrendered it all to God a very long time ago and even though there are still rough times, I know that with God anything is possible.

I will never ever forget that day that our 4 year old son was diagnosed. I remember my husband and I walking back to our old tan van. We were both holding our son's hand and we both had tears in our eyes because we knew our life would forever be changed. And that's true, it has changed, BUT it has been such an unforgettable journey and one that we would not trade for anything in the world. God knew all along and looking back, I can see how the plan has unfolded. God loves us and He only wants the best for our future.

Jeremiah 29:11 “I know the plans I have for you, plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope”.

This verse has carried me through many tough times and I know it will continue to carry me into the future. I hope it helps you too!

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Families Coordinator