“The more things change, the more they stay the same.”

 Have you ever heard this expression before? This expression can mean different things to different people. 

 I think of this expression sometimes in terms of my children. Raising children on the autism spectrum, things are constantly changing - sometimes multiple times in a day or even an hour!

 People with autism like ”the sameness of things”. They like routine and structure. They like knowing what is happening next so that they can mentally plan for it. Lots of people with autism function really well with a visual schedule of what they are doing, especially at school. Unfortunately, the world does not work this way. Our world is very fast-paced and busy. We go from one place to the next or one thing to the next without blinking an eye. Sometimes, I feel like I’m on autopilot.

 Children with autism grow into teenagers and teenagers into young adults. They learn strategies of how to live and cope in our busy world, but they also need to have things that they are totally in control of. For example, there may be 10 different things that happened today that could be different than yesterday, but when your child comes home to the “sameness” and the control that they have over this environment, it brings them comfort and reduces anxiety.

 Things have changed in our household because our children have grown and changed over time. Although they do have constants in their life such as family, home, cottage and even simple things like bedtimes and eating times.

 Both of our children have grown and learned so many things over the years. But they love their constants like being at home. They feel safe and secure and know they can be themselves and not judged by the world.

 If we have God in our lives, we always have a constant. God is a constant source of comfort, compassion, kindness and love. We can always count on Him - always. No matter what changes, He remains the same - for everyone. That’s the great thing. He created you and loves you just as you are as we are all made in God’s image.

 In 2 Corinthians 1:3 it says,  

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort,
who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God”.

 If you are a special needs parent or just someone struggling with other issues, remember you are important to God and He will always be there for you. That’s a promise! God will always be the same.

 Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church

Summertime, Funtime

Summertime is a great time for those on the spectrum to enjoy some fun!  Working hard all year, all kids look forward to a break from school and a bit of a new routine for the summer months.

 For those on the spectrum, this can be good and bad. Structure is good, so trying to create structure in the summer is very important. Personally, I always feel like a total break is a good thing. This is what worked well for our family. I think every family has things that work for them, but one thing is for sure is that summer is a time when you can have experiences that you can’t normally have during the year. For other people, they need to have total structure to keep their child feeling some sense of normalcy. This is good as well. Perhaps the activities are just a little different than during the school year.

 Families take vacations or go to outdoor parks to enjoy the weather. I remember back in the early years, I was obsessed with structuring the summer. I would make structured plans and most of the time they didn’t work out. What I realized over time was that our kids needed a break just as much as we did. Once I decided to relax and just be in the moments that we were having, no matter what we were doing, the summer became such a lovely time. Sometimes not talking is just as important as talking. I have definitely embraced this.

 We are extremely blessed as we have a cottage to spend time at in the summer. This has come to be a refuge for us, a relaxing place, a time for renewal and fun. There are no time limits, no expectations, no rushing around - it’s heavenly.

 Yesterday, we went paddle boarding and just kind of hung out at our dock. Since we’ve been up at the cottage, we’ve just been hanging out and not doing anything in particular, which is such an amazing thing to be able to do. Even our dog is relaxing and enjoying the sunshine!

“Come to me,
all you who are weary and burdened
and I will give you rest”.
Matthew 11:28

God wants us to rest and reflect - no matter what that looks like for you and your family. We all need rest and restoration. We all need to reflect on God's goodness in the world and in nature. 

 I truly wish all parents of special needs children are able to relax and reflect with their children. I hope you enjoy your time together and most of all I wish God’s blessing on all of you.

 Enjoy the rest! Enjoy the summer!

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church

Special Needs Dads

Special Needs Dads are sometimes forgotten. The focus is on the child and also the Mother.  But the Dads play such an important role in a family with a special needs child.

In our family, especially upon diagnosis, my husband was extremely good at applying for all of the government money we were eligible for and getting all of the financial aspects in place. I still remember the day, not long after the diagnosis, when I said to my husband that we should not apply for all these things because it’s going to label our son and this won’t be good for him. I still remember him turning to me and saying, “Shelly, just forget about the label, it doesn’t matter. The money is what is going to get him the help he needs. You have to have faith.”

I still remember that conversation after all these years. He had emotions about it as well, but he was determined to get all the help and secure all of the funding we could get our hands on to help our son. I think my husband is truly amazing! I just want to tell you some of the things that he has done for our family.  Not only did he work very hard to bring home money so that we could afford some of the things that we did, he was also involved on a practical level too. If there was something at school I couldn’t handle, he would swoop in and talk to the right people and advocate at the highest possible level to make sure our son got the things he needed to be successful. He is now the chairman for the TCDSB special education committee because I told him we have to get involved if we want to make changes to things at that level. 

I feel that our children are very blessed because of him and the support and care and strength it takes to change a system that is broken. I will always be grateful to him for all the work he does behind the scenes to care for our family.

Most Dads work extremely hard in the background to provide their family with the funds that they need to make sure their children can get the therapies that they need. They may not always know what to do on the emotional level with their child, especially when the child is younger. But just the support to the Mom and doing little things like taking the child for a drive or to the park are so important as it gives the Mom a little time to either rest or get things together in the home. Without the Dads, the Moms surely would be lost.

God gave us a family unit for a reason. It is hard to do things on your own and both parents have a special skill set that contributes to the success of the family. Being parents of a special needs child is extremely difficult and a lot of marriages do not survive this. But I have seen many Dads still step up in this situation as well and they will always play an important role in the child’s life. 

We also need to be thankful for and rely on our “Heavenly Father” who is always there to love us, guide us and protect us in the most vulnerable moments of our lives.

I truly think that we need to pray for these families. It is hard going and the strain is so great. We need to keep them in our thoughts and prayers and try to help whenever possible, even in the smallest way. God wants families together, not torn apart.

We all play a role in contributing to a successful family. God knows our needs individually. He knows the struggles of special needs Dads. 

There is a verse in the Bible in 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12 that reads,

“Fathers encourage and comfort your children.”

All of our children need their Dad or a father figure in their lives who will protect them and be there for them.

Today we celebrate all Father’s but especially the Fathers of special needs children.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!  

Shelly Wedge          
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church
www.amberleachurch.ca