Caring For Yourself

You’ve probably heard over and over again about “self-care” and why you should do it.  Personally I really got in touch with this concept last summer. I’ve spoken to people about this and read and listened to different perspectives on this subject. Each person has valuable information that you can take from it to apply to your own life.

The bottom line is that “you” are important and you need to think about yourself and take care of yourself the way you would anyone else. For many people, this is an extremely difficult thing to do, but for a parent of a special needs child, it seems unreachable, impossible, even insurmountable. We (and I include myself in this category) have so much to juggle every single day. There’s school stuff, paperwork, many different kinds of appointments, homework, communicating with people on different matters. Honestly at the end of the day, you are just physically and mentally exhausted. Often I find my mind going over my “to do” list for the following day when I am trying to get to sleep.

With our daily “to do” lists already a mile long, adding something else to it can make you feel even more stressed out. Stress is real and it affects all of us in different ways, but one thing that it does to all of us is that it affects our bodies in a negative way.

To be honest, I am still trying to figure all of this out in my life. What I can tell you is that at this point in time, I have taken some positive steps towards self-care. I try to exercise during the week. I also try to take walks (without my dog whenever I can, so that I can walk a little faster). I have started to take a little bit of time daily to just relax on my own and I have been reading as much as I can because it is something that I really enjoy doing. I think self-care can include little moments for yourself. For some people, it may be a special coffee or drink they get and just enjoy the moment whereas for others it may be connecting to nature. I think the important thing is to try to remember yourself and that to do something for yourself each day is not selfish, but essential to our well beings. God wants us to care for ourselves the way that He cares for us. Something else I engage in on my own is prayer. The great thing about prayer is that you can do it anywhere at any time. God is always there to listen and He sees and hears everything.

On my journey with self-care, I am truly just learning what I need and how I can help myself each day. I want to be better, but I am also grateful for the baby steps that I have made so far. On the days I don’t do anything, sometimes I feel bad, but sometimes I just tell myself that it’s okay and leave it at that. God encourages us to practice self-care. The Lord calls us temples of God

“Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple?
Don’t you know that God’s Spirit lives among you?
    If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person.
God’s temple is holy. And you all together are that temple.”
1 Corinthians 3:16-17

“Don’t you know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit?
The Spirit is in you, and you have received the Spirit from God.
You do not belong to yourselves.
Christ has paid the price for you. So use your bodies in a way that honours God.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Our bodies are holy. Because our bodies are important, our Father in Heaven wants us to take good care of them. He knows that we can be happier, better people if we are healthy.

Do the best you can each and every day to take care of yourself!

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Families Coordinator

Special Needs Moms

Since Mother’s Day is almost upon us, I wanted to shift the focus onto the “Special Needs Moms”. I feel (and I am probably biased because I am one) that Special Needs Moms don’t get enough affirmation or credit for what they do. Being a mother to any child brings its challenges. With ups and downs and the way our world is today, it is difficult to navigate even when all is going well.

A Special Needs Mom is a very unique person. This kind of mom has to navigate and do everything else that a regular mom would do, but they have many more obstacles to overcome in the course of a day. Special Needs Moms have to plan everything with contingency plans A, B and C in case things don’t go as expected. When we used to come to church with our two children, we would have to bring 2 cars in case some kind of situation happened and one of us had to leave, so the other child would be able to stay. We also had to strategically sit in a certain spot in case our daughter needed to exit quickly.

The life of a Special Needs Mom  IS very difficult; from extreme meltdowns, to lack of communication ability, to people in the community talking in front of you or behind your back making comments. There are also non-stop ongoing school issues and communication happening nearly every single day. Even to this day with our son still in high school, there are still so many things that need to be communicated, supported.

There are endless emails going back and forth - some that are important and some that are ridiculous. One time I got a phone call in public school that I needed to come and bring some canker treatment as our son had a canker. It’s crazy. I’ve learned from this to make sure he has everything he needs in his backpack, including canker treatment, Vaseline, and Kleenex so that he doesn’t need to worry about anything.  

The amount of paperwork that has to be dealt with is unbelievable. If you get any kind of funding for anything, you have to make sure the expense is eligible, take pictures, upload the expense into a program and submit it and sometimes they come back to you with questions which takes even more time to process. Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for any money that we have received. The amount of money that has to be spent for things such as therapy or devices that your child needs to communicate is outrageous. If you don’t live in this world, it is hard to comprehend and some people cannot afford the things that they actually need to support their child so they are successful. 

I want to commend and praise all of my fellow “Special Needs Moms” out there. 

I hear you when you don’t get any sleep.

I feel your pain when your child is crying.

I see the look of panic in your eyes when you are out in public with your child.

I want to hug you and tell you that everything will be okay, and it will.

I want you to know you are doing such a great job!

I want you to know that you are loved.

I want you to know that our community cares about you.

I want you to know that God loves you and sees everything that you are going through.

I know I can always lean on God. My faith has helped me through some rough times and God has put people in my life for me to lean on. I know that my children are exactly as God wanted them to be. I know God has a plan for each and every person’s life and that includes our children, whether they have special needs or not.

I love the verse Isaiah 66:13,
“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.”

So for all the Special Needs Moms out there, I want to wish you a very Happy Mother’s Day! Enjoy the day and celebrate your child as they are a gift from God!

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church
www.amberleachurch.ca

God’s Plan

Did you know that God has a plan for each one of us?  Even if we don’t think about it or acknowledge it, He does.

To be honest, at times, I really have to think long and hard about this, especially on the days where everything seems to be going wrong. I used to ask God why my children have autism and why he chose me to be an autism parent. It is never a good idea to ask God why he does things. He does them because He has a plan for our lives.

It is very difficult some days being an autism parent. Those of you who are, know exactly what I am talking about. Even at times, when I look at how much both of my children struggle with different things and others just seem to breeze by, I know there is a reason even if I can’t see it at the moment.

Being an autism parent can be a blessing and curse all rolled into one. 

I look at my life now and I realize how God has used me to connect with other autism parents and professionals in the community. I realize how much I can help these people with my knowledge and experience and provide them with support when they need it. I realize that God does care about all of these children who struggle and their families. He created them exactly as He wanted them to be. Everyone struggles, even if it doesn’t seem that way.

God has a plan for every single person’s life. I can tell you that some of my closest friends are from the autism community. They are people I have met through my children or from different programs or even in the grocery store!  I cherish these people so much and God has helped us through Amberlea Church create an inclusive, supportive community for these people. 

Even though at times, when I think about the future for my children, I get uneasy. I know that God has a plan for them. He has given me people in my life to help that have helped me be a part of creating happy independent human beings who are such an important part of our society. I honestly can’t wait to see what each of my children will end up doing in the future. I used to be worried and scared, but now I am actually excited to see what contributions they will make in this world. The reason I can feel this way is because I know that God has a plan! I know that He is with my children and will continue to be with them each step of their lives.

When you get down in life or have moments of doubt about where you are heading, pray to God about it and He will lead you in the right direction.

A good verse to remember is Jeremiah 29:11,

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministry Coordinator
Amberlea Church