Special Needs Dads

Special Needs Dads are sometimes forgotten. The focus is on the child and also the Mother.  But the Dads play such an important role in a family with a special needs child.

In our family, especially upon diagnosis, my husband was extremely good at applying for all of the government money we were eligible for and getting all of the financial aspects in place. I still remember the day, not long after the diagnosis, when I said to my husband that we should not apply for all these things because it’s going to label our son and this won’t be good for him. I still remember him turning to me and saying, “Shelly, just forget about the label, it doesn’t matter. The money is what is going to get him the help he needs. You have to have faith.”

I still remember that conversation after all these years. He had emotions about it as well, but he was determined to get all the help and secure all of the funding we could get our hands on to help our son. I think my husband is truly amazing! I just want to tell you some of the things that he has done for our family.  Not only did he work very hard to bring home money so that we could afford some of the things that we did, he was also involved on a practical level too. If there was something at school I couldn’t handle, he would swoop in and talk to the right people and advocate at the highest possible level to make sure our son got the things he needed to be successful. He is now the chairman for the TCDSB special education committee because I told him we have to get involved if we want to make changes to things at that level. 

I feel that our children are very blessed because of him and the support and care and strength it takes to change a system that is broken. I will always be grateful to him for all the work he does behind the scenes to care for our family.

Most Dads work extremely hard in the background to provide their family with the funds that they need to make sure their children can get the therapies that they need. They may not always know what to do on the emotional level with their child, especially when the child is younger. But just the support to the Mom and doing little things like taking the child for a drive or to the park are so important as it gives the Mom a little time to either rest or get things together in the home. Without the Dads, the Moms surely would be lost.

God gave us a family unit for a reason. It is hard to do things on your own and both parents have a special skill set that contributes to the success of the family. Being parents of a special needs child is extremely difficult and a lot of marriages do not survive this. But I have seen many Dads still step up in this situation as well and they will always play an important role in the child’s life. 

We also need to be thankful for and rely on our “Heavenly Father” who is always there to love us, guide us and protect us in the most vulnerable moments of our lives.

I truly think that we need to pray for these families. It is hard going and the strain is so great. We need to keep them in our thoughts and prayers and try to help whenever possible, even in the smallest way. God wants families together, not torn apart.

We all play a role in contributing to a successful family. God knows our needs individually. He knows the struggles of special needs Dads. 

There is a verse in the Bible in 1 Thessalonians 2:11-12 that reads,

“Fathers encourage and comfort your children.”

All of our children need their Dad or a father figure in their lives who will protect them and be there for them.

Today we celebrate all Father’s but especially the Fathers of special needs children.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!  

Shelly Wedge          
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church
www.amberleachurch.ca

Caring For Yourself

You’ve probably heard over and over again about “self-care” and why you should do it.  Personally I really got in touch with this concept last summer. I’ve spoken to people about this and read and listened to different perspectives on this subject. Each person has valuable information that you can take from it to apply to your own life.

The bottom line is that “you” are important and you need to think about yourself and take care of yourself the way you would anyone else. For many people, this is an extremely difficult thing to do, but for a parent of a special needs child, it seems unreachable, impossible, even insurmountable. We (and I include myself in this category) have so much to juggle every single day. There’s school stuff, paperwork, many different kinds of appointments, homework, communicating with people on different matters. Honestly at the end of the day, you are just physically and mentally exhausted. Often I find my mind going over my “to do” list for the following day when I am trying to get to sleep.

With our daily “to do” lists already a mile long, adding something else to it can make you feel even more stressed out. Stress is real and it affects all of us in different ways, but one thing that it does to all of us is that it affects our bodies in a negative way.

To be honest, I am still trying to figure all of this out in my life. What I can tell you is that at this point in time, I have taken some positive steps towards self-care. I try to exercise during the week. I also try to take walks (without my dog whenever I can, so that I can walk a little faster). I have started to take a little bit of time daily to just relax on my own and I have been reading as much as I can because it is something that I really enjoy doing. I think self-care can include little moments for yourself. For some people, it may be a special coffee or drink they get and just enjoy the moment whereas for others it may be connecting to nature. I think the important thing is to try to remember yourself and that to do something for yourself each day is not selfish, but essential to our well beings. God wants us to care for ourselves the way that He cares for us. Something else I engage in on my own is prayer. The great thing about prayer is that you can do it anywhere at any time. God is always there to listen and He sees and hears everything.

On my journey with self-care, I am truly just learning what I need and how I can help myself each day. I want to be better, but I am also grateful for the baby steps that I have made so far. On the days I don’t do anything, sometimes I feel bad, but sometimes I just tell myself that it’s okay and leave it at that. God encourages us to practice self-care. The Lord calls us temples of God

“Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple?
Don’t you know that God’s Spirit lives among you?
    If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy that person.
God’s temple is holy. And you all together are that temple.”
1 Corinthians 3:16-17

“Don’t you know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit?
The Spirit is in you, and you have received the Spirit from God.
You do not belong to yourselves.
Christ has paid the price for you. So use your bodies in a way that honours God.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Our bodies are holy. Because our bodies are important, our Father in Heaven wants us to take good care of them. He knows that we can be happier, better people if we are healthy.

Do the best you can each and every day to take care of yourself!

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Families Coordinator

Special Needs Moms

Since Mother’s Day is almost upon us, I wanted to shift the focus onto the “Special Needs Moms”. I feel (and I am probably biased because I am one) that Special Needs Moms don’t get enough affirmation or credit for what they do. Being a mother to any child brings its challenges. With ups and downs and the way our world is today, it is difficult to navigate even when all is going well.

A Special Needs Mom is a very unique person. This kind of mom has to navigate and do everything else that a regular mom would do, but they have many more obstacles to overcome in the course of a day. Special Needs Moms have to plan everything with contingency plans A, B and C in case things don’t go as expected. When we used to come to church with our two children, we would have to bring 2 cars in case some kind of situation happened and one of us had to leave, so the other child would be able to stay. We also had to strategically sit in a certain spot in case our daughter needed to exit quickly.

The life of a Special Needs Mom  IS very difficult; from extreme meltdowns, to lack of communication ability, to people in the community talking in front of you or behind your back making comments. There are also non-stop ongoing school issues and communication happening nearly every single day. Even to this day with our son still in high school, there are still so many things that need to be communicated, supported.

There are endless emails going back and forth - some that are important and some that are ridiculous. One time I got a phone call in public school that I needed to come and bring some canker treatment as our son had a canker. It’s crazy. I’ve learned from this to make sure he has everything he needs in his backpack, including canker treatment, Vaseline, and Kleenex so that he doesn’t need to worry about anything.  

The amount of paperwork that has to be dealt with is unbelievable. If you get any kind of funding for anything, you have to make sure the expense is eligible, take pictures, upload the expense into a program and submit it and sometimes they come back to you with questions which takes even more time to process. Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely grateful for any money that we have received. The amount of money that has to be spent for things such as therapy or devices that your child needs to communicate is outrageous. If you don’t live in this world, it is hard to comprehend and some people cannot afford the things that they actually need to support their child so they are successful. 

I want to commend and praise all of my fellow “Special Needs Moms” out there. 

I hear you when you don’t get any sleep.

I feel your pain when your child is crying.

I see the look of panic in your eyes when you are out in public with your child.

I want to hug you and tell you that everything will be okay, and it will.

I want you to know you are doing such a great job!

I want you to know that you are loved.

I want you to know that our community cares about you.

I want you to know that God loves you and sees everything that you are going through.

I know I can always lean on God. My faith has helped me through some rough times and God has put people in my life for me to lean on. I know that my children are exactly as God wanted them to be. I know God has a plan for each and every person’s life and that includes our children, whether they have special needs or not.

I love the verse Isaiah 66:13,
“As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you.”

So for all the Special Needs Moms out there, I want to wish you a very Happy Mother’s Day! Enjoy the day and celebrate your child as they are a gift from God!

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church
www.amberleachurch.ca