God’s Plan

Did you know that God has a plan for each one of us?  Even if we don’t think about it or acknowledge it, He does.

To be honest, at times, I really have to think long and hard about this, especially on the days where everything seems to be going wrong. I used to ask God why my children have autism and why he chose me to be an autism parent. It is never a good idea to ask God why he does things. He does them because He has a plan for our lives.

It is very difficult some days being an autism parent. Those of you who are, know exactly what I am talking about. Even at times, when I look at how much both of my children struggle with different things and others just seem to breeze by, I know there is a reason even if I can’t see it at the moment.

Being an autism parent can be a blessing and curse all rolled into one. 

I look at my life now and I realize how God has used me to connect with other autism parents and professionals in the community. I realize how much I can help these people with my knowledge and experience and provide them with support when they need it. I realize that God does care about all of these children who struggle and their families. He created them exactly as He wanted them to be. Everyone struggles, even if it doesn’t seem that way.

God has a plan for every single person’s life. I can tell you that some of my closest friends are from the autism community. They are people I have met through my children or from different programs or even in the grocery store!  I cherish these people so much and God has helped us through Amberlea Church create an inclusive, supportive community for these people. 

Even though at times, when I think about the future for my children, I get uneasy. I know that God has a plan for them. He has given me people in my life to help that have helped me be a part of creating happy independent human beings who are such an important part of our society. I honestly can’t wait to see what each of my children will end up doing in the future. I used to be worried and scared, but now I am actually excited to see what contributions they will make in this world. The reason I can feel this way is because I know that God has a plan! I know that He is with my children and will continue to be with them each step of their lives.

When you get down in life or have moments of doubt about where you are heading, pray to God about it and He will lead you in the right direction.

A good verse to remember is Jeremiah 29:11,

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministry Coordinator
Amberlea Church

Living in a World Not Designed For You

 We do so many things throughout the course of the day. We wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, gather our stuff for the day whether it is work or school and head out the door. We drive, get a ride or take public transit to get to our destination.

 Once we get to our destination, we have to hang up our coat, put away our lunch (if we bring it) and get our things ready to start our classes or our jobs.

 There are so many things that go on in our mind between all the choices that we have to make by doing all of these things, more than I even mentioned.

 If you live with autism or you live with someone who has autism, you begin to realize that there are many more things that go on and many more preparations that need to be made in order to just do what I described above.

 For example, some kids/people with autism, need something called a visual schedule to remind them of the things that they need to do to get ready in the morning.  This may be with pictures for younger children or words if the person can read. It could look something like this

• Brush your teeth

• Get dressed (Even broken down more may say, put on underwear, put on shirt, put on pants)

• Wash your face

• Eat breakfast 

• Put your lunch into your backpack

• Zip up your backpack

• Put on Your coat

• Put on your shoes

• Put on your hat

 Hopefully you can see what I am getting at. Things that many of us do automatically are not automatic if you have autism. Of course, there are different variations for everyone on the spectrum and many times when you break down tasks, the person will eventually not need these reminders and will be able to do all of these things independently.

 When our son was first diagnosed everything had to be broken down into smaller chunks.  This made it easier for him to understand and it also helped him stay on task and guided him.

 Today when he gets ready for the day, he doesn’t need any of these reminders, he just does these things on his own. My point is that our world is not designed for people with autism. It does not take into consideration the things that they need to be successful. That’s not to say that we are not making some progress, but for the “world” this progress is slow.

When you live with autism, even going into the grocery store can be overwhelming and difficult to navigate. There are many sounds, smells, noise etc.  But we all must learn to navigate grocery stores because eventually we are all going to have to buy food. 

 I have learned so many ways to teach skills to my own children with autism- some by trial and error and some from professionals or just other people making really great suggestions on how to deal with some of these things.

 Another thing that looks different and can sound different is emotions that people on the spectrum demonstrate and the way that it looks to others. Older kids can have meltdowns or scream which is not always socially acceptable. Parents of these children often feel helpless and judged, especially when out in public.

 The world can be hard if you are on the autism spectrum, but one thing that I always remember is that God loves all of us. Also, I genuinely believe that people are good and want to help but sometimes just don’t know how. God asks to help each other and support each other. I personally always find that starting with a smile can go such a long way. When I see someone who doesn’t necessarily fit into the “Box”, the first thing I do is smile because I know that God created all of us exactly the way he wanted us to be. He does not make mistakes.

 Matthew 7:12 says,

 “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you,
for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

May God bless all of you today, in whatever you do and whatever you say. Let us show God’s love to each other every day.

Shelly Wedge          
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
www.amberleachurch.ca

Words

What do you think of when you hear this word?

One of the dictionary meanings is, “choose and use particular words in order to say or write something.”

Words can have different meanings depending on the way you look at it.  We all know that words can be good and bad.  They can be used to help and support and they can also be used in a negative way to hurt someone or to say mean things.

More often than not, when you are talking about autism, you will hear the “words” in a negative way. It could be something like, “She has autism”. Or, “He can’t do that because of his autism”. Or even just plain not saying any words at all to a person with autism with the assumption that they cannot engage with you or contribute to the conversation or task at hand whatever that might be.

I recently had an experience with our son’s school.  I won’t share all of the details, but the words that were said were very hurtful. We had been trying to figure out his courses for this semester as things had to be shifted around as he didn’t get one of his credits last semester.  The person I was speaking with became very defensive on the phone and this is someone I have known for a few years now.  She was telling me that our son “could not” do this particular subject which I knew was not true but that we would need to look at the teaching style and supports for the way in which he learns. 

If that wasn’t upsetting enough, she proceeded to tell me that the prior course he did last year (which the teacher was really awesome and accommodating) wasn’t scored correctly or the teacher hadn’t done something right or allowable during the exam so basically he shouldn’t have received the mark he did. Wow, I felt stomped on and horrible and I knew what she was saying wasn’t true, as I know from experience that teachers have a certain amount of discretion when it comes to modification, testing and marking.  It still stung.  I got off the phone and broke down and cried. Our son had worked so incredibly hard and we were so proud of him for this achievement and now she was trying to take this away from him.

Her words hurt me so very much. I don’t even think she has any idea of how unprofessional she was but also just how thoughtless as well.

I tell you this story in terms of special needs and autism because this happens so often. We call things disabilities. We hear the words “can’t”, “won’t”, “will never be able to” and so on. Let me tell you that there are many, many, things that people said our son would never be able to do or couldn’t do that he is now doing and succeeding at! Just because a person learns a different way doesn’t mean that they are not teachable and certainly has no bearing on their future success.

Some of the parents I talk to are beaten down a lot. They have so many of these terrible moments that it can break them.

 God wants us to always be kind to people - all people - not just the ones we are intimately connected to. He instructs us to do this. Ephesians 4:32 says,

 “Be kind and compassionate to one another forgiving each other,
just as in Christ God forgave you.”

 I had a very wise friend who gave me some great advice after this interaction I had. She said “Shelly, just pray for her, put it aside and don’t think about it anymore.”  I am so grateful for this advice because that’s exactly what I did.

 Let’s all be conscious of the words we choose and show kindness to everyone.

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
www.amberleachurch.ca