Season for Compassion and Understanding

 This time of year means different things to different people. Families celebrate the holidays with their own traditions. All families who celebrate Christmas probably have certain things they do together, such as decorating the tree, putting up Christmas lights or even the type of food that is made at this time of year.

As I reflect back on some of our traditions, we have evolved as a family over the years. As you know, both of my children are on the autism spectrum. Ways in which they participated in the holidays has changed vastly as time has gone on. For example, one year, our daughter was doing something out of the house and we had put up the tree without her. It had taken us awhile to decorate it and put up the lights and we had really enjoyed the process of doing this. When she came home, she was so upset that we had done this without her (even though at the time, she couldn’t commit to a timeframe of doing this with us). She was not just upset, she totally flipped out and we had to take every single one of the decorations off of the tree, take the tree down (we have an artificial tree), put everything away and start over. While this made her feel better, our son was screaming and crying because of all the hard work he had done to put the tree up. It wasn’t fun at all.

Our son really loves Christmas and one year he wouldn’t let us take down the tree. He was upset and crying so we just left it up for a while. Eventually, we took it down when he wasn’t home.

Another funny scenario is when our son was 3 years old. We were all getting ready for Christmas Eve service and I had bought him a new red vest. He had fallen asleep before going to church. When we got there and I took off his coat, he screamed after looking at his vest.  I had to take him out of the service and take the vest off.  He never wore red again for many years!

In recent years, we have just taken all of our Christmas decorations out and let our kids do it all themselves and we have all enjoyed that. This year, my husband was away with work and I told him it was time to put up the tree so he left everything for us.  I asked our daughter to participate and she didn’t want to, so my son and I did this together. It was actually quite relaxing and fun and it made me think back to the times when it wasn’t so much fun. 

Some of these things that I am sharing probably seem foreign to people who do not have children or grandchildren on the autism spectrum. I have learned to adapt over the years and have had to follow the lead of our children. Our family tradition certainly is much different than the one I experienced growing up.

I have learned compassion and understanding, not only for my children but for all children with autism. They do not think the same way. They sometimes cannot express exactly what they are thinking. They do want to participate and have fun in all holidays. They want to feel valued and be included, even if it looks different than everyone else. Holidays can be challenging for those on the spectrum because holidays deviate from regular day structure.  They can get easily overwhelmed and out of control. Families have to be resilient to this and they have to support their children through the process. This may be hard for others looking in to understand and that is where compassion is so important.

The great thing about Christmas is that we get to celebrate the birth of Jesus. No matter how young or old you are – whether you have autism or not, God wants us to celebrate in the birth of his Son in whatever way we can.  There are no rules and no expectations. God loves us all so much!

Luke 2:11
“For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior has been born.”

At Amberlea Church, we encourage children with all abilities to come celebrate with us by participating in our Christmas play on Sunday morning December 17th. You don’t need to learn any lines or practice. Just come and join us for a morning of fun!!!

Shelly Wedge   
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church
www.amberleachurch.ca

Uncertainty

We hear the word “uncertainty” and it naturally makes us feel uncomfortable, ill at ease and maybe even gives you a pain in your stomach.

Our culture thrives on things being great, being in the now, having fun, posting on social media about all the fun we are having - being in control of our lives.

We all know intellectually that this is NOT true but it is very easy to buy into the messages that we are seeing multiple times a day. 

Well, when you have a child with autism, nothing is ever certain again. The dreams you had for your child may seem shattered. The shame you feel may seem real. The tears you cry that no one else sees can keep you up at night. When I talk to parents who have children with autism, I hear the same stories over and over again. “He doesn’t fit in.” “I don’t know what to do.” “What will happen to him when I’m gone?” “He’s having trouble at school.”  I could go on and on with the list but it would take me a few pages. I have so much empathy for these parents and my heart is truly broken at times when I look into their eyes.

Uncertainty is the only thing that we can all be certain we will experience. We have no control over anything that happens in our lives - none - no matter how much we think we do.

 When I talk to parents, I always point out positive things that their child can do and I try to get them thinking into the future about how they can help their child find “their path” to do something wonderful with their gifts. Sometimes these parents are so busy or so distraught that they don’t even realize all the things their child can do.  

The more I talk to parents, sometimes the worse I feel because honestly, people can be brutal with their words especially with children with autism? Why do people always say what the child “can’t” do or how “bad” their day has been. It’s like saying that person has cancer. A person is not their diagnosis. They are truly so much more.

Parents of children with autism get beaten down time and time again and they need encouragement and positivity, no matter what.

 I feel that uncertainty is far more prevalent in the autism community as these parents (and I include myself in this category) worry about the future at times. It’s not always black and white as it is with typical individuals. We have to have different contingencies in place to make sure our children are supported through their lifetime.

No matter what, none of us knows what the future holds, we can only trust God and that is where our faith and hope comes in. I am truly so grateful for my faith. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for people who don’t have God to lean on.

I love how Matthew 6:34 describes it:

“Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own.”  

This is a really good reminder to be aware of the future but not to let it prevent us from living in the present.

Let us all remember to look to God and encourage one another no matter what our situation may be. 

Shelly Wedge  
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church

Support

When our family first started coming to Amberlea Church, I have to be honest, it was about being involved in a smaller church. We had been attending a much larger church and we were finding that our son who has ASD was having difficulty being in such a large space. There was more noise and more people (which for church is a good thing!) and at that point in time people really did not understand autism so it was much harder to talk about and to have his needs met.

If I am also being honest, another reason was Pastor Mona!!!  She is one in a million as you all know!  

From the first moment we stepped in the door at Amberlea Church, we felt welcome. From the first time our kids went to KidZone, we were met with such lovely people who took the time to ask us questions, find out how they could best support our family and they just cared so much. We always felt a part of the Amberlea community and we always felt supported and loved. Our kids were welcomed and able to worship in the ways they could.

One of the reasons for this blog is to express genuine gratitude for the support of our congregation with our Exceptional Family Ministry. We have had open conversations with people about our program. The congregation has graciously amended things for our program on Sunday mornings.  They permitted modifications to accommodate safety issues to the building allowing us to run our community program (F.A.C.E.). Also they have provided the space for us to do this which connects us to the Amberlea Community outside of church. 

This program would not exist without the acceptance and vision of the church allowing us to start this program.

If it wasn’t for such support and encouragement, our church would not be where it is with this program.  I humbly want to express my heartfelt appreciation to each and every person in our congregation. We have been so blessed in so many ways and this allows us to provide this service to such a special group of individuals.

As I have developed relationships in our church, I personally feel truly blessed for the godly people of this congregation. I am so proud and happy to be a part of this church!  It truly feels like home and it also feels like part of such an amazing extended family!

I think this verse describes our church well:

“Love one another with brotherly affection.
Outdo one another in showing honor.
Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek and show hospitality.”
Romans 12:10-13

 Shelly Wedge 
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church