Community

As a parent of two teens on the autism spectrum, the word “community” has come up more than I can tell you in the past number of years. When the children were younger, our community existed mostly of family and a few close friends. As they grew, our community grew as well.  We became part of different parts of the community as both of our children were involved in different activities.

Community wasn’t always easy for our family. We represented something “different”, something not everyone in our community understood or knew how to accept.  Sometimes there would be comments, looks, whispering just to name a few as our children did not fit the “typical” standard. Many parents of children on the autism spectrum do not go out into their community for this very reason. They are afraid of how their child may act or look or what people will think about them. I have to say that this part is very hard. I remember one time sitting in the waiting room at gymnastics, watching and waiting for our son to finish his class. He was there with his therapist at the time and there was a woman who said something to another parent about him.  This was incredibly hard to watch and to hear and it brought tears to my eyes.

But I did not let that stop me from going back. I was determined that our family was going to be part of the community no matter what. We just kept going back to activities, making modifications where we needed to and providing support to our children so that they could enjoy the things that were fun for them.

 What do you do when you see someone with autism or perhaps someone in a wheelchair? Do you look away? Do you smile?

Community kindness and acceptance of everyone is so very important. It makes me think about our spiritual family, our church community and about God. God loves everyone. He accepts everyone just as they are because He made us in His image. Our church community has done such a wonderful job of embracing different needs and just being there for the people who are struggling and it is why I am so grateful to be part of such a loving community.

 “Then Jesus spoke to his host. “Suppose you give a lunch or a dinner,” he said. “Do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, or your relatives, or your rich neighbors. If you do, they may invite you to eat with them. So you will be paid back. But when you give a banquet, invite those who are poor. Also invite those who can’t see or walk.  Then you will be blessed. Your guests can’t pay you back. But you will be paid back when those who are right with God rise from the dead.” Luke 14:12-14

 As we get ready for Easter, I hope we can all remember that we are part of a bigger picture, a community where God is the center and gave his only son Jesus to die for all of our sins.

It is important to remember how much God loves each and every one of us!

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church

Photo by Brett Wharton on Unsplash

Family

What do you think of when you hear the word “family?” Is it your Mom and Dad? Brothers and sisters? Children, perhaps?

Family can mean so many things to people.  We all might define “family” differently depending on our situation. I think that how we grew up plays a big role in how we define this term and also how close we are to our biological family.

But just because you are not related by blood, doesn’t mean that you don’t consider some people family. I am sure that we all have that “Aunt” who is not really our Aunt but a close friend of our Mom’s.

If you are a parent with a child who has autism, at times being in a biological family can be very lonely. People may not understand the struggles you are going through or how to help you when you need it. In these cases, sometimes an on-line family or a support group can be the way that you need to connect in order to keep your sanity.

To be honest, autism is very draining on families. Spouses have nothing left to give each other at the end of the day. Other siblings may feel left out or resentful of their sibling living with autism, and extended family just may not know how to help.

When our children were younger, we experienced all of these situations. Some days were extremely lonely and isolating and it was hard to get through the days at times.

The great thing is that we not only have a biological family, but we also have a church family. If you are a believer, or even attend church for that matter, the family of God is probably the most important family of all. Why, you may ask? Well, because God is perfect and He will never leave us or forsake us as it says in the Bible. He will never let us down. He will always be there with His arms wide open ready to embrace us and He will continue to walk along side us each day.

When we cry, God know and He cares. He sees each and every one of us and He knows us better than anyone else. He knows our thoughts, our fears, our joys – all of it.

I have found that our Amberlea Church family has been so important in the life of our family. When we first came to the church, they knew little about autism. We had to figure out how we were going to fit in so that we would be able to worship God as a family. Through trial and error and lots of discussions, we finally have it figured out and we are so grateful to our “Amberlea family”. For being so open, their patience in being able to accommodate special needs and just to be accepting and loving towards people of all abilities.

When I talk to people in our church, I realize how much people care. They are willing to help in whatever way they can make inclusivity a vital part of our church family and for that I am truly grateful.

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church

Holiday Fun and Autism

It’s that time of the year where school break happens, Christmas is over and time at home begins. What do you do?  Where do you go? Who do you see?

Everything that is touristy is usually very, very busy during this time of year so you have to figure out how you are going to spend your time and what activities your child or teen can have fun participating in.

These have changed tremendously for us over the years. When our children were younger, we simply tried to stay away from super-busy places as it was a sensory nightmare for both of them.  I tried many places and failed miserably but that never stopped me from trying.  Sometimes I would get dirty looks or hear whispers behind my back but it never stopped me from trying new things.  One of the benefits of having autism is that many times, especially when a child is younger, they don’t really care what others think and sometimes this happens for older teens as well. Have you heard that phrase, “He marches to the beat of his own drum?” That definitely applies to anyone on the spectrum.

Sometimes when I look back now, I don’t know how I ever survived those crazy hectic holiday seasons. I know even with family, there were times that close relatives did not want us going to their house because they didn’t want chaos or anything destroyed. I never blamed them or held any grudges. It was just the way our life was.

Now things are so different. This holiday season we watched a lot of movies, did some shopping, got some bubble tea (actually too many bubble teas which my daughter has gotten me into), went to see some movies in the theatre and saw some friends. It was just a really chill time. We didn’t make any particular plans but just went with the flow day by day.  I have decided that I love to function this way!

I have realized over the years that God is always in everything that we do. He’s not just there for me in the times that I cry out to Him because I’m on the verge of tears. He watches over me and has helped me so much especially dealing with autism. I feel like He had me all along but there were times when I didn’t acknowledge that this was all part of His plan for me and for our family.  I am a person who has come to believe that God does not make mistakes – ever.  He has a plan for each one of us and He is always there for us even if we don’t turn to Him. He sits and waits and patiently tries to teach us things.

I talk about special needs and mainly autism as this is where I am an expert – but not by my own doing, but by God’s.  I feel though that you can apply trusting God’s plan for your life and trusting Him to guide you no matter what the situation may be.  Your situation is probably different than mine and families that deal with any kind of special needs are all different from each other.

Whatever you may be going through or if you think that you can’t face another day alone, please remember that you are not alone. God is always there right beside you and He will never let go of your hand and He will never ever stop loving you and caring about what happens to you. I don’t know why, but when I visually picture God, He is walking beside me holding my hand as we walk down the road, similar to what my own father used to do. When I think about this image it makes me smile.

In Luke 12:7 it says that,

“God knows how many hairs you have on your head.

 Do not be afraid.

You are worth more than many small birds.”

God knows you inside out.  He loves you and He will always be there for you. Always remember that.

Until next time...

Shelly Wedge

Exceptional Family Ministry Coordinator

Amberlea Church