The Life of Special Needs Parents at Christmas

“But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid.
I bring you good news. It will bring great joy for all the people.”
Luke 2:10

 It’s Christmas! Lots of children/teens will be experiencing feelings of happiness, excitement and so looking forward to the holidays! Some will have pictures taken with Santa.  Some will participate in different seasonal activities like skating, skiing, toboganning, to name a few. Many will have their Christmas lists together of the things they may be hoping to get. Many families will enjoy holiday get together time with extended family and friends.  There are so many possibilities and so many things to do!

But if you are the parent of a child or teen with autism, Christmas doesn’t look like that for you. The holidays can be very stressful. There are routine changes at school as there are Christmas activities going on.  Your child may not be able to sit for a picture with Santa.  Noise around your child may cause them to be anxious and disengaged and even very upset.  The thought of going to extended family makes the tears well up in your eyes just knowing what could happen. 

Many times over the years, our daughter retreated to her room because of the noise and being overwhelmed. One year, we put up our tree as we do every year, but our daughter was busy with another activity. Well, she got so incredibly upset that she had a total meltdown and my son and I had to leave the house. She needed a few hours to calm down. Our son was upset because when we got home my husband had taken the tree down and he was in tears. We had to start all over again. That year, just doing our tree was so emotional for everyone. Even going to church can be stressful and difficult.

These are some of the feelings that I previously experienced in the early years of autism. Family gatherings were difficult because of one of my children would not sit at the table.  Visiting Santa took a lot of thought and preparation and planning. We would make a list from looking at websites and printing off pictures and going to stores and taking pictures of toys. This is how our list came about. When we would go to Santa, we would go at the least busy time possible and be prepared to leave if we had to. Schedule changes in school caused disruption and anxiety. 

But, I am happy to say that these things no longer exist for our family for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I stopped caring what other people thought and I made sure both of our children were included in the celebrations that they wanted to be involved in. We developed our own family traditions about how we approached the day and we made it work for us. I decided to make sure that they did many different activities and each year it got easier as we didn’t put any pressure on them to do things the traditional way.

We developed our own traditions at church and our church was so gracious to accommodate our family in participating in everything our kids wanted to be involved in. 

Now I am happy to say that we approach the season with calmness and with the expectation that sometimes things have to change as we are going through the days. We just kind of roll with it and go with the flow.

As this season is upon us, we also must remember what Christmas is all about. It is Christ’s birthday! Whether your children are typical or have autism or have some other kind of special need, it is important for them to know the reason for the season is Jesus.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son,

that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16

All kids and teens who are on the autism spectrum, may need to learn this in different ways and their understanding may not be the same as others, but isn’t it great to know that Jesus loves all the children – ALL of them! There is no segregation as we sometimes get in our society. He does not see differences. He just loves completely and totally and that is such a great thing to know and to be a part of, especially during this season.

We here at Amberlea celebrate ALL children! We hope that you will be able to join us for our family service on Christmas Eve which is happening at 6 pm. This service is designed especially for children and families and it is a great time to come together and to celebrate with our community. We hope to see you there!

Shelly Wedge

Exceptional Family Ministry Coordinator

Life

What do you think of when you hear this word?  For me, first I think about actually being alive.  After going through a health scare awhile ago, the word “life” for me becomes actually that – my life, being alive and being with the people that I love the most.

I also think about a newborn and when their life begins.

Another thing I think about is, “our life”. One that includes two teens with autism and all of the daily challenges that we face as well as the quirky and fun things that we experience that perhaps others don’t get to go through.

We all see the world and our “life” differently. For each of us, at different stages in our lives, I am sure this word can have many different meanings – some happy and some painful perhaps. There are many phases and facets to each person’s life.

As I am writing this blog, our family is currently experiencing a very stressful situation in our family life. Today, I feel incredibly down.  I have felt like crying a lot, but I hold back the tears so that no one can see me. Life is hard today.

But one thing that I know for sure is that God is with us all of the time and He will continue to be with us no matter what the circumstance.  Sometimes autism creates a lack of understanding for God in our family life, which can be difficult at times when you are trying to have a conversation with one of your children and like many teens. Sometimes they just forget about God and think that they can handle everything on their own. I think it’s hard for all of us who are parents to always find the right words to explain, especially, when you are a believer, that you’ve been down that particular road before or something similar and it does not have a happy ending.

I find with both of our children, having meaningful, godly conversations extremely difficult. As I ponder this, I often wonder if it is because of autism or is it because they are teenagers?  I don’t really know the answer to this question.

But I pray for their “lives” every day.  I pray that they will be able to cope and be safe in this world. I also pray for their spiritual growth and that God will bring people into their lives that will nurture this in them and bring each of them closer to Him.

I am grateful for my life and for my husband’s life, my daughter’s life and my son’s life. Each and every day I thank God for them.

I love Proverbs 27:19.

“As the water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart.”

As you ponder what’s going on in your life today, what thoughts come to your mind?

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministry Coordinator
Amberlea Church

Keep The Faith

Do you ever question your faith? If so, how often? Is it daily, weekly, hourly?

What makes you question your faith?

For me, having children on the autism spectrum has made me question my faith more than once. In fact, if you asked me in any particular time or year, my answer would most likely be different.

I think accepting a child with special needs is kind of like a grieving period. You grieve for the child you may have been dreaming of and what they could do and what their life would look like. You imagine hopes and dreams.

With an autism diagnosis, comes a level of grieving. I honestly don't know how it works for everyone, but for me, there was a lot of initial denial and non-acceptance. Perhaps the diagnosis was incorrect. Perhaps he would just, "grow out of it." There is also a lot of, "what ifs?"

As I think back to our situation, I think about how different my views were from my husband. He was not focused on the diagnosis, but what he could do to provide interventions and successes. While I was focused on not wanting anyone to find out about it and just crying a lot, I couldn't see what my husband saw.

I must admit, I blamed God, at first. I fought so many things in the beginning, but God never left my side. He never let go of my hand. He was always with me, even when I didn't trust, believe or accept - He never gave up on me.

God saw the end from the beginning and he has blessed my life in so many ways that I could never have imagined. He blessed our family and He was always there opening doors for us to walk through to create a better life and better experiences for our family.

I'm so grateful to Amberlea Church for walking beside us, seeing our vision and even though we are in the baby stages of growth for our Exceptional Needs program, I know that God will continue to bless us in this special ministry. *See our new community program, F.A.C.E. (Fun Autism Community Experiences) starting this fall.

No matter what our plans may be, God's plans may be different and once we stop fighting and engage in acceptance, our faith will not only grow but flourish.

I love the verse,

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Philippians 4:13

God gives me strength, on the good days and on the bad days and my faith keeps growing because of this each day and I will always be grateful for that.

Shelly Wedge

Exceptional Family Ministry Coordinator

Amberlea Church