Christmas Expectations

It’s approaching Christmas and it is very busy. It’s hard to balance everything that needs to be done while also trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy. In our house, things are always busy, but more so right now.

We have to intentionally slow things down and remember the reason for the season.

“Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you;

he is the Messiah, the Lord.” Luke 2:11

We try to make time to get everything done in our home without being rushed so that we can enjoy the moments.

We pick a time to put up our Christmas tree and we do it as a family. It’s one of the few things we can actually do together where we are all relaxed.

With having two teens on the autism spectrum, our Christmas and the expectations may be different from other families. For example, for our son, sometimes it is difficult for him to figure out what he wants for Christmas. We have done different things over the years including going shopping and taking pictures of items that he wants. To going on websites or flyers that come to our house and he picks out a few items that interest him.

It’s the same for our daughter but in a different way. She usually can figure out what she wants but it’s almost like you have to keep reminding her to get her list together as she is a very last minute person.

“The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son,

 and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”).”  Matthew 1:23

I like to talk about the real reason for Christmas but I usually do this at various times.

Today my son and I were walking the dog and we were talking about the Christmas story and the real meaning of Christmas.

“But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. 

I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people.” Luke 2:10

With Covid, it has been difficult to have the same experiences as we normally do at church, but we try our best to be as involved as we can. This season, Amberlea Church is having a Live Nativity Walk-Thru and my son and I will be a part of that experience. It is really nice to be involved in a church and outreach to the community so that others can enjoy Christmas through this type of experience.

As for other expectations on Christmas Day when we get together with family, we have learned just to go with the flow. If one of our children is overwhelmed, then they just take a break in a quiet area. We have learned to let them be themselves and to honour their feelings in the moment.

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and I hope that you remember the true meaning of Christmas!

“She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, 

because he will save his people from their sins.” Matthew 1:21

Be sure to register for the Christmas events that are going on at Amberlea Church by going to www.amberleachurch.ca and let us know how we can come alongside and support you and your family.

Labels – what do they mean?

There are labels around us all the time. There are labels on our food products, our makeup, our shampoo, type of shoes – you name it, there is a label for it.

There are also labels for people as we all know. People can be mentally challenged, they can have a physical disability, anxiety, depression, autism, mood disorders, skin conditions, cancer, multiple sclerosis, dementia, heart condition – there are just so many…… it never ends.

Everyone has an opinion on how they wish to be addressed in terms of their condition. It’s very individual in how a person wants to be referred. In my humble opinion, a person is more than their label and I feel that is so important to remember. It’s so easy to just refer to someone in terms of what they might have. For example, “Tom has cancer” or “Steve’s mother has dementia”. 

In our family, we refer to our children as being on the autism spectrum. They don’t have autism, or they are not autistic as these words are describing them in a negative connotation. They don’t have a disease (unlike other people).  They have struggles in certain areas which cause them to be part of a spectrum. And really, the only reason for the label is so that their needs can be understood. So they can get assistance in school or in other settings where it may be necessary to make accommodations or changes to meet their needs.

I dislike it when anyone refers to a person’s label first, and treats them like a person second. That should never happen. For example, I don’t say, “My son has autism and he can’t do…”.  I say, “My son loves to take photographs and he is very artistic.” I may add on further information, depending on the situation, but he is an individual first. He has interests, feelings, things that he excels at and things that he struggles with. And yes, he is on the autism spectrum, which can create communication challenges.

I never look at either of our children as less than, or not being able to do something. I look at them and know that they both learn in unique ways, even different from each other. They are both intelligent human beings who have the ability to achieve anything.  In fact, I am always encouraging them to pursue their interests, and maintain their happiness. I never want them to feel like they are not “normal” whatever that really means. If a teacher makes a comment to me about either of them, I calmly explain the way in which they learn and I ask them to think about this when they are teaching lessons. If I see work come home and I see that the approach is not the way my child is going to understand the concept, I contact the teacher and try to figure out a different way for them to break it down.

People may judge us in this world, but be rest assured that God NEVER judges us! He loves each and every one of us no matter what. We are all God’s children and we must remember that. We also must remember that God wants us to love everyone and show kindness, empathy and understanding, even if we really don’t understand a situation fully.

Mathew 7 says, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.”

I hope we can all remember this and no matter if you think the same way as I do about labels or not, it doesn’t really matter. I think the important thing is to respect what an individual is comfortable with and realize that it is okay to ask them directly.

Shelly Wedge

Exceptional Families Coordinator

Where Is God?

I think that this is a question we all may think of from time-to-time. It’s easy when things are going well, but not so easy when we are struggling. Some days, I will be so connected to God and I’m ready to face the day, no matter what comes my way. But like everyone else, I have those days when I am discouraged, feel defeated and feel that I can’t wait to lay my head down on the pillow at night. It’s in the hard times that we really need God, especially me.

When you are raising a child with special needs, I can honestly say that the worries, the struggles and the things that a special needs parent has to do in a day are so very overwhelming.

 I don’t know what that looks like in everyone else’s house, but in our house it can be anything from making sure that all dietary requirements are met – I have one with an eating disorder and another one with extreme dietary requirements. Just these things alone in a day are very time consuming and tiring. Other challenges that we face are therapy, mental health issues and daily schedules to name a few.

 When our son was first diagnosed with autism, I often asked the question, “Why God”? I also wondered sometimes where He was when I was so overwhelmed and crying that I couldn’t make it to another day. But you know what? He was there right by my side. He’s always been there and He will always be there. We just have to let Him in and trust that He has a plan for all of us, including our children. I have found that keeping my faith and trust in God has not only helped me but also our entire family.  God cares about all of our circumstances no matter how bad they may be. He loves us unconditionally and will always be by our side. I have found that God does have a purpose for our perceived ‘pain.’

I feel so blessed that I am in this crazy ‘autism world’ so to speak. I have met some of the most amazing people who are now great friends and confidants. I would not have this rich blessing if I wasn’t thrust into this world. It’s amazing to me how God can bring good of what can be perceived as an impossible situation.  I think it’s important to remember that God cares. He loves us and He will always be there for us no matter what! 

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below – indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:38, 39

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Families Coordinator