A New Beginning

It’s a new school year and time for a fresh start! In our house, we were so done with Covid and so tired of being in the house for so long, doing on-line school.

Well some things in our house have changed and some have remained the same.

 For our son, he is back to school full-time, going full days which is a total change from last September. He is in high school and is currently still functioning on what was coined last year as the “quadmester.” For those of you who aren’t familiar with this term, it’s when the semester (which is normally 4 courses) is split up and only doing two courses at a time.

There are pros and cons to this situation as I am sure you can imagine. It’s good to focus on two courses at once as it allows you to concentrate and put all your effort into them. The cons are that the courses are intensified as they only last until mid-November and the courses are a very long length in duration every day. For example, our son has one course in the morning which lasts 2.5 hours and one course in the afternoon that lasts 2.75 hours.  This is a very long time for anyone - - never mind someone on the autism spectrum.

 Our daughter has started University, which is in itself a huge change. There are so many things to navigate, especially when you have a disability. We have had to help her get set up with the accessibility office and help her figure out some financial issues as well.  It’s a lot for anyone to deal with but especially hard when you have a disability.  I don’t really like using this term because I don’t look at it in that way, I am just using it for writing purposes only. She is very intelligent, an awesome artist and an overall great person and I love watching her creations. I wish sometimes I could be more like her.

Her schedule is different as her university is doing things on-line at the moment. They hope to get back into the school soon and I think this will be very good for her mental state. I feel that for her this fall has been sort of a graduation into more independence and learning more about herself and being able to make more decisions on her own. We of course are always here to help her along the way.

 There have been so many changes to our sleeping schedule, our bathroom schedule and our day-to-day schedule as every day in our house looks a little different. It’s crazy! But at least we are moving around more and able to leave our house more.

For anyone who has different needs, changes to schedules and life changes, whether they are school, social, or home related, can be extremely difficult and challenging to navigate. We are in this boat, so to speak.

I am proud of both of our children for the way they have been able to manage with few major meltdowns or issues so far. These can happen and may still yet come, but we will deal with that if it happens.

There has been excitement, fear, anxiousness and apprehension in our household.

But no matter what happens, God is always in control. We may not be able to control our children’s emotions or outcomes, even though it’s difficult. But, what I have realized along the way is that we have to leave our children in God’s hands and trust that He is here. He will protect them and He will also be there for us as parents to guide them, love them, cry with them when they are happy and hold them when they are sad.

Life can be big and scary sometimes, but I know that God is greater than anything and He will never leave any of us – ever!

God promises in Isaiah 41:10 “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand.”

Be well and stay safe!

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Families Coordinator

CONNECTION

con·nec·tion - “a relationship in which a person, thing, or idea is linked or associated with something else.”

Connections are so important and they can mean so many different things. We can be connected to our jobs, connected to friends, connected to nature and even connected to material things such as our possessions. I want to talk about connections to people – relationships, as they are so important for everyone.  In this time of Covid, we may feel as though we have lost some of our connection with the world, with people and even possibly with ourselves.

 For people on the autism spectrum connections are very important, but they are also very difficult. You see they want to connect, but they don’t always know how to do it and it can also be very frustrating for them. I see this in my own children. They both have difficulty making connections with people in different ways. But what I have tried to do this summer is connect with them where they are at, on their level to bring us closer.

With our daughter, I find that trying to relate to her in the moments where she is capable and willing about things that interest her and are important to her. This includes art, videos and games.  For our son, we connect through activities. We both like to swim, paddleboard, canoe, binge watch Netflix – so this is what we do to connect. As I look at this summer, I am so happy to have had these special connections as I feel it helps bring our relationship closer which is so important.

 I think sometimes the outside world cannot always understand the connections that can be made for those who have different needs and abilities. They are real. These people deserve and want to be valued and want to connect and belong just like everyone else. Often times I notice that for people on the autism spectrum who aren’t as verbal, are left out and that gives them even more of a feeling of not belonging. We need to change this by asking how we can help, what ways are best to connect, asking questions.

 At Amberlea Church, we are inclusive and want to come along side of families with these needs, connect with them and bring them into a closer relationship with God, no matter what that may look like for them. We strive to build relationships with people and help them become part of a community that nurtures and cares about their entire family.

 Scripture says,

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.” I Thessalonians 5:11

 We would love to connect with you and your family!

 Shelly Wedge
Execeptional Families Coordinator
Amberlea Church

How to Help Families with Exceptional Needs

You may have thought to yourself, “How could I possibly help a family who has an exceptional child or teen? What can I do? I don’t know anything about autism or any other exceptional need. I don’t know what to do or say.  Maybe if I just don’t think about it, it will disappear or go away. There are others who are more qualified to help. I don’t want to get involved because I have enough on my plate already.”

Some of these thoughts may have crossed your mind or something similar.

I’m here to tell you that you have to start thinking about it and do something. God wants you to take action. In fact, He commands it of all of us.

As a parent of two exceptional teens, I’m here to tell you that you cannot, I mean you cannot possibly understand the things that we have to do in the course of a day.

Paperwork – We have a ton, usually a file for each doctor or therapist, school IEP, psychologist. You name it, we have a file on it. It’s paperwork that has to constantly stay up-to-date as it may need to be given at any time to appropriate individuals whether for education or medical purposes. 

Cooking – Most kids/teens with autism usually have some kind of eating issue or special diet that needs to be strictly adhered to at all times. For example, I have one child with an eating disorder that has to eat at specific times of the day and eat specific things.  I have another child who eats no dairy, gluten, soy, sugar, corn, grains and is on the SCD diet as well.

School Support - Both of my children need extra, yet different support for school.

Mental Health - One of my children has mental health issues as well as autism and she has many therapists that she deals with on a daily basis.

These are just a few of the things that go on in my home.

So how can you help families like mine?

First thing and most important is dedicated PRAYER.  We must never forget the power of prayer and all of us can do it. It matters so very much.

If a family has a younger child with special needs, perhaps you can run an errand for them. People who have to cook for kids on special diets usually have to shop at more than one store to get all the items they need. If you also work full time, these trips are time consuming but necessary.

Even if you don’t know the family, you can always send a note or an email. Tell them you are praying for them or just to say hello and touch base with them.

Some advice I will give you is, never ask a special needs parent what you can do. They have so many things to do they will not be able to articulate which one. It’s better to just do something, anything at all to help.

Drop off a much needed coffee on their doorstep. This may be what helps get them through the mountain of night time paperwork that they need to finish for their child.

Ever heard of respite? This is where someone would go in and just hang out with the child or teen for an hour or two so that the parent can get a much needed errand done, go to an appointment or just take a walk by themselves. I realize that in Covid times this is not always possible.

Offer to go for a walk with them, even if it’s very short and they have to bring their child. It may just be the only interaction they have with another adult for that entire month. When my kids were younger and my son had at-home therapy 7 days a week, I literally had no time to see anyone for such a long time so the therapists became my friends.

If you have any skills, especially for teens, you could offer to teach their child something, some kind of skill. It could be computer related, office skills, building something – it doesn’t matter. Offer to get them involved. This is what we do for our son, especially in our church. He has helped out in the KidZone. He has helped out in summer camps. We just optimize his skills and work with the people. They are always able to accommodate his needs and he is always able to be involved and for that we are so grateful. But someone has to take the initiative to make this happen.

A big one that no one ever wants to talk about is financial. I understand how uncomfortable this is for many of us. For our family, just for one of our kids, the supplements plus the doctor’s appointments (functional medicine), the drugs he needs that are not covered by OHIP or my spouses’ plan and special dietary foods are between $1,000-$1,500 per month. That’s a mortgage payment for some people. These are things that these children need to have optimal health. Just basic things for them to be healthy as their immune systems do not function like everyone else. This can be very stressful for parents.

These families need you! But they probably will never ask because they are too proud or too busy – there could be many reasons and there are many reasons.

God is calling you to help. God needs you to help and support these families, prayerfully and practically.

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4

I leave you with these thoughts. Please pray on it and let God lead you in the direction He places on your heart today.

You may not know a specific family to encourage and support or know where to begin. I am here to help, brainstorm or talk to anyone who wants to on this subject. I would love to connect with you.

Shelly Wedge
Execeptional Families Coordinator
Amberla Church