Trust

When you think of the word trust, what comes to your mind?  When I think of it, I think about someone that I can rely on, someone who will offer support, just to name a couple.

When I think of trust in relation to being an autism parent, it kind of changes things for me. It’s not necessarily harder, as much as it is different. It is things that can make you extremely vulnerable as it takes you out of your comfort zone.

When you are a parent of any child, there are always situations that may not be comfortable that you need to deal with; whether it is with one of your child’s friends or their parents, or teachers - you get what I mean.

When you are an autism parent, there is always something in the back of your mind that makes you wonder what people are thinking; what is my child going to do today? Perhaps at home or in a social situation? This feeling just gives you uneasiness in the pit of your stomach because of the unpredictability of autism. I have personally spent many days, in fact years, with that pit in my stomach always being present. 

One situation (out of hundreds!) that comes to my mind is our son’s grade 8 graduation. I was wondering if our son would be able to sit and stand through all of the parts of the ceremony. Secondly, I wondered if there would be any outbursts because of the noise situation or someone else’s little brother crying. I also wondered if he would be able to walk across the stage to accept his diploma. Since our last name begins with “W” it was a very long wait!!

I can always sense or see fear and anxiety in the face of an autism parent. It’s almost like an unspoken language. 

Trust is something an autism parent has a hard time with. It’s hard to trust the outside world like teachers, EA’s, school situations, extra-curricular activities, just to name a few. It’s something that has to be built up and you always try to have consistency with these types of things so that your child will be able to establish that “trust.”

There’s someone who you can always trust in and that is God. He will never let you down and He knows what you are going through at all times. Psalm 9:10 says, 

“Those who know your name trust in you,
for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.”

It is a comfort to know that we can always trust God for everything and that He knows our heart, our situation and we can always count on Him!

Wishing you all Easter blessings as we approach this season. 

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

Community

As a parent of two teens on the autism spectrum, the word “community” has come up more than I can tell you in the past number of years. When the children were younger, our community existed mostly of family and a few close friends. As they grew, our community grew as well.  We became part of different parts of the community as both of our children were involved in different activities.

Community wasn’t always easy for our family. We represented something “different”, something not everyone in our community understood or knew how to accept.  Sometimes there would be comments, looks, whispering just to name a few as our children did not fit the “typical” standard. Many parents of children on the autism spectrum do not go out into their community for this very reason. They are afraid of how their child may act or look or what people will think about them. I have to say that this part is very hard. I remember one time sitting in the waiting room at gymnastics, watching and waiting for our son to finish his class. He was there with his therapist at the time and there was a woman who said something to another parent about him.  This was incredibly hard to watch and to hear and it brought tears to my eyes.

But I did not let that stop me from going back. I was determined that our family was going to be part of the community no matter what. We just kept going back to activities, making modifications where we needed to and providing support to our children so that they could enjoy the things that were fun for them.

 What do you do when you see someone with autism or perhaps someone in a wheelchair? Do you look away? Do you smile?

Community kindness and acceptance of everyone is so very important. It makes me think about our spiritual family, our church community and about God. God loves everyone. He accepts everyone just as they are because He made us in His image. Our church community has done such a wonderful job of embracing different needs and just being there for the people who are struggling and it is why I am so grateful to be part of such a loving community.

 “Then Jesus spoke to his host. “Suppose you give a lunch or a dinner,” he said. “Do not invite your friends, your brothers or sisters, or your relatives, or your rich neighbors. If you do, they may invite you to eat with them. So you will be paid back. But when you give a banquet, invite those who are poor. Also invite those who can’t see or walk.  Then you will be blessed. Your guests can’t pay you back. But you will be paid back when those who are right with God rise from the dead.” Luke 14:12-14

 As we get ready for Easter, I hope we can all remember that we are part of a bigger picture, a community where God is the center and gave his only son Jesus to die for all of our sins.

It is important to remember how much God loves each and every one of us!

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church

Photo by Brett Wharton on Unsplash

Family

What do you think of when you hear the word “family?” Is it your Mom and Dad? Brothers and sisters? Children, perhaps?

Family can mean so many things to people.  We all might define “family” differently depending on our situation. I think that how we grew up plays a big role in how we define this term and also how close we are to our biological family.

But just because you are not related by blood, doesn’t mean that you don’t consider some people family. I am sure that we all have that “Aunt” who is not really our Aunt but a close friend of our Mom’s.

If you are a parent with a child who has autism, at times being in a biological family can be very lonely. People may not understand the struggles you are going through or how to help you when you need it. In these cases, sometimes an on-line family or a support group can be the way that you need to connect in order to keep your sanity.

To be honest, autism is very draining on families. Spouses have nothing left to give each other at the end of the day. Other siblings may feel left out or resentful of their sibling living with autism, and extended family just may not know how to help.

When our children were younger, we experienced all of these situations. Some days were extremely lonely and isolating and it was hard to get through the days at times.

The great thing is that we not only have a biological family, but we also have a church family. If you are a believer, or even attend church for that matter, the family of God is probably the most important family of all. Why, you may ask? Well, because God is perfect and He will never leave us or forsake us as it says in the Bible. He will never let us down. He will always be there with His arms wide open ready to embrace us and He will continue to walk along side us each day.

When we cry, God know and He cares. He sees each and every one of us and He knows us better than anyone else. He knows our thoughts, our fears, our joys – all of it.

I have found that our Amberlea Church family has been so important in the life of our family. When we first came to the church, they knew little about autism. We had to figure out how we were going to fit in so that we would be able to worship God as a family. Through trial and error and lots of discussions, we finally have it figured out and we are so grateful to our “Amberlea family”. For being so open, their patience in being able to accommodate special needs and just to be accepting and loving towards people of all abilities.

When I talk to people in our church, I realize how much people care. They are willing to help in whatever way they can make inclusivity a vital part of our church family and for that I am truly grateful.

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Family Ministries Coordinator
Amberlea Church