How to Help Families with Exceptional Needs

You may have thought to yourself, “How could I possibly help a family who has an exceptional child or teen? What can I do? I don’t know anything about autism or any other exceptional need. I don’t know what to do or say.  Maybe if I just don’t think about it, it will disappear or go away. There are others who are more qualified to help. I don’t want to get involved because I have enough on my plate already.”

Some of these thoughts may have crossed your mind or something similar.

I’m here to tell you that you have to start thinking about it and do something. God wants you to take action. In fact, He commands it of all of us.

As a parent of two exceptional teens, I’m here to tell you that you cannot, I mean you cannot possibly understand the things that we have to do in the course of a day.

Paperwork – We have a ton, usually a file for each doctor or therapist, school IEP, psychologist. You name it, we have a file on it. It’s paperwork that has to constantly stay up-to-date as it may need to be given at any time to appropriate individuals whether for education or medical purposes. 

Cooking – Most kids/teens with autism usually have some kind of eating issue or special diet that needs to be strictly adhered to at all times. For example, I have one child with an eating disorder that has to eat at specific times of the day and eat specific things.  I have another child who eats no dairy, gluten, soy, sugar, corn, grains and is on the SCD diet as well.

School Support - Both of my children need extra, yet different support for school.

Mental Health - One of my children has mental health issues as well as autism and she has many therapists that she deals with on a daily basis.

These are just a few of the things that go on in my home.

So how can you help families like mine?

First thing and most important is dedicated PRAYER.  We must never forget the power of prayer and all of us can do it. It matters so very much.

If a family has a younger child with special needs, perhaps you can run an errand for them. People who have to cook for kids on special diets usually have to shop at more than one store to get all the items they need. If you also work full time, these trips are time consuming but necessary.

Even if you don’t know the family, you can always send a note or an email. Tell them you are praying for them or just to say hello and touch base with them.

Some advice I will give you is, never ask a special needs parent what you can do. They have so many things to do they will not be able to articulate which one. It’s better to just do something, anything at all to help.

Drop off a much needed coffee on their doorstep. This may be what helps get them through the mountain of night time paperwork that they need to finish for their child.

Ever heard of respite? This is where someone would go in and just hang out with the child or teen for an hour or two so that the parent can get a much needed errand done, go to an appointment or just take a walk by themselves. I realize that in Covid times this is not always possible.

Offer to go for a walk with them, even if it’s very short and they have to bring their child. It may just be the only interaction they have with another adult for that entire month. When my kids were younger and my son had at-home therapy 7 days a week, I literally had no time to see anyone for such a long time so the therapists became my friends.

If you have any skills, especially for teens, you could offer to teach their child something, some kind of skill. It could be computer related, office skills, building something – it doesn’t matter. Offer to get them involved. This is what we do for our son, especially in our church. He has helped out in the KidZone. He has helped out in summer camps. We just optimize his skills and work with the people. They are always able to accommodate his needs and he is always able to be involved and for that we are so grateful. But someone has to take the initiative to make this happen.

A big one that no one ever wants to talk about is financial. I understand how uncomfortable this is for many of us. For our family, just for one of our kids, the supplements plus the doctor’s appointments (functional medicine), the drugs he needs that are not covered by OHIP or my spouses’ plan and special dietary foods are between $1,000-$1,500 per month. That’s a mortgage payment for some people. These are things that these children need to have optimal health. Just basic things for them to be healthy as their immune systems do not function like everyone else. This can be very stressful for parents.

These families need you! But they probably will never ask because they are too proud or too busy – there could be many reasons and there are many reasons.

God is calling you to help. God needs you to help and support these families, prayerfully and practically.

“Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.” Philippians 2:4

I leave you with these thoughts. Please pray on it and let God lead you in the direction He places on your heart today.

You may not know a specific family to encourage and support or know where to begin. I am here to help, brainstorm or talk to anyone who wants to on this subject. I would love to connect with you.

Shelly Wedge
Execeptional Families Coordinator
Amberla Church

Growth

Growth is an important part of all of our lives. We can’t just stay where we are as we are constantly changing, every day. This can be exhilarating for some and scary for others. But no matter what we want or don’t want, it is always happening.

I think that growth is so very important. For kids/teens with special needs this may not look the same way, but it still happens. This summer I have been trying to focus my attention on growth with both our children. It looks different for each of them because they have their own unique needs.

For our son, the focus is on more independence and problem-solving skills in every situation possible. For example, what do you need when you go swimming and what do you have to do to get there? For the average person, this is a no brainer, but for someone on the autism spectrum, there are many steps that have to be done in order to be successful at this. You have to think about where your bathing suit is. Next you have to change into your bathing suit, put your clothes away, find your towel, get your shoes and whatever else you need and come down to the dock or pool. Other problem solving we’ve been working on is what do you do when something isn’t going right on your cell phone? He knows he can come and ask for help which is great. The next step I am working on with our son is showing him how he can fix the problem himself without having to always come and ask and possibly getting upset about it.

For our daughter, we are working on more independence with money. She is going to university in the Fall and we are trying to teach her a little bit about bank accounts, credit cards, looking at prices of things, knowing how much money you have in your account.

Growth can also be in the form of physical activity which we are also doing. Learning new skills is always fun! This summer, my son and I learned (and are still learning) how to paddleboard. It is a great activity and takes many physical aspects into account. You have to be able to balance, turn yourself around, watch where you are going to stay out of the way of other boats or not hit into docks. Growth often comes from learning something new.

There is no right or wrong way for growth, it’s just trial and error and takes patience and time.

Just as we grow physically, God wants us to grow in Him spiritually as well. It is just as important to feed our souls so that we can continue to get to know God in a deeper way and develop a more intimate relationship with him. One way that I find you can do this is just by reading your Bible on a daily basis. It does not have to be a long drawn out activity. Just a few minutes in the morning can help start your spiritual growth. If you find it hard or don’t know where to start, there are many resources that can help you. I personally use a little book titled “Jesus Calling” that goes through a short passage and some verses every day. This sets me up for my day and helps me to focus on my relationship with God. 

The YouVersion Bible app is a great tool that is handy on your phone or other device or as an audio book. You can pick a Bible reading plan that fits your summer schedule including daily minute devotions, topical readings, book based plans or even reading through the Bible in a year. It’s never too late to start.  There is something for kids and teens too. 

https://www.youversion.com/the-bible-app/

https://www.youversion.com/the-bible-app-for-kids/

https://bibleappforkids.com/parents/guide

If you need help connecting with resources, please reach out and we will be glad to get in touch with you to help you along your journey.

 “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love, lives in God, and God in them.” 1 John 4:16

Written by:

Shelly Wedge, Exceptional Families Coordinator

School’s Out! Now What?

So schools ended and it’s finally summer! Now what? What plans do you have for the summer? What are we allowed to do as a community? How are you feeling after such a crazy school year?

 These are all questions that many of us ask no matter who we are.  Summer is typically a time to take a break, maybe some vacation, relax, go to camp, it could be a number of things.

This could mean going on trips, seeing family that you don’t get to see that often. Perhaps you are just taking a deep breath, being grateful that the crazy school year is behind us and hoping to get back to some sense of normalcy. But what does that really look like?

 This can vary for person to person and family to family. Lots of people are normally used to going to camp, having part-time jobs for the summer, hanging out with friends and generally just enjoying the weather.

 For families who have children or teens with special needs, it doesn’t look the same. The camps that are accessible can be out of reach financially for many people. Especially with younger children, the change in routine can be very difficult to handle with the possibility of having more free time than before. In Covid times, things naturally look different.

So what does everyone do?

 Well, this year it seems like everything is changing all the time, so that can make it difficult for all of us to plan special times for our children this summer.

 I know for our family it’s definitely not a typical summer, but we are trying to make plans the best we can just to enjoy some time away at our cottage. The thing that I find difficult as a parent of two teens with autism is letting them have time to just relax after a tough year but also keeping them engaged in some activities that will keep their mind occupied.

 For our son, it means doing lots of physical activities outside as much as possible while also trying to keep up on some reading and some loosely related learning activities so that he will not lose focus or momentum come the fall. 

 For our daughter, it’s keeping her busy doing the things that she enjoys like art while also giving her space to just chill and rest her mind.

 I know for younger children with special needs, it’s very important to try to keep the learning momentum going each day so that they do not lose skills that they have worked so hard to achieve. This can be difficult for parents to do, especially when the weather is so nice.

 Whatever you try to do this summer, I hope you can connect with other families who have similar interests as yours. When allowed, it’s nice to arrange a get together for kids as well as parents.

 Amberlea Church is offering a few summer programs accessible for all kids and families.

Family Nights are every Tuesday night at 7pm during the summer.  They are a fun virtual activity for the whole family to do together.  Each week is a fun new game!

Camp in a Box is offered for the month of July. They are weekly activity boxes that include a daily activity, games and special surprises.  Included is daily live Zoom calls with the Summer Team and story videos created by them on our Amberlea Summer Camp YouTube channel.   If you are looking for some activities to engage your children, please sign up for this. There are modifications for children with special needs and it may help you engage your children for part of the day. There is also a caring staff that will connect with families to help support you.  

“For where two or three gather in my name, there I am with them.” Matthew 18:20

 God is with us in everything we do. I hope you take comfort in this promise. Enjoy the start of your summer!

Shelly Wedge
Exceptional Families Coordinator

For more information:

Camp in a Box
https://storage.googleapis.com/church_events.amberleachurch.ca/42-shareAnnoucement_Amberlea_-646552427.html 

Family Nights
https://storage.googleapis.com/church_events.amberleachurch.ca/42-shareAnnoucement_Amberlea_866528059.html