I don't get why I'm here!


Have you ever been totally confused? Not known what to do? Wanting desperately to do the right thing, but not even sure what that was? Have you ever questioned what life is all about? Or even what on earth am I here for? 

If you have no idea what I am talking about – congratulations!  I would love to know your secret.

It was the summer of 2005, before beginning my studies at Knox College, at the compulsory Guidance Conference for all Presbyterian Church in Canada potential ministerial candidates (whew, that was a mouthful!). I had no idea why I was there. I certainly had no idea why God was calling me back to school for a Master of Divinity degree.  I remember feeling very alone and very confused when I found myself in a room where a Prayer Labyrinth was laid out on the floor.  The Prayer Labyrinth was a gigantic vinyl floor mat, white with solid blue lines like a maze.  The purpose was to focus on prayer as you walked on the blue path that lay before you. 

“How hard could this be?” I thought.

I stood at the edge of the mat, kicked off my shoes and began the walk.  I wasn’t very far along when I began to feel rather anxious and even panicked.  I could see the center of the mat – which was a large blue circle – but I had no idea how to get there. I remember having a conversation with myself about how “…this is so stupid…” and “… no one is forcing me to stay on this mat and no one would know if I jumped off…” (which, by the way I was tempted to do).  As I was having this conversation with myself, however, I kept my eyes on the path and kept walking and the next thing I knew I was standing in the center of the labyrinth.  Having arrived in the center with bold blue lines swirling all around me, I fell to my knees and began to cry.  I called out to God saying, “I don’t get why I am here.  I don’t know what you want me to doI don’t want to be a pastor.  I can’t see me doing that. I am not gifted that way. What do you want me to do? Tell me! What do you want me to do????”

And then it became very clear.  The whole walking-on-the-labyrinth was like my life.  It was as though God was saying to me, “I have set the path before you.  Walk in obedience.  Don’t worry about the end.  I know what it is even though you don’t and that is OK.  Just be obedient and walk.  This may not be the plan you have, but this is My plan and I will reveal MY plan in MY time”.  

At that moment all the anxiety I had felt before was lifted.  I knew that I had to prayerfully and obediently walk the path before me even though I wasn’t quite sure where the path was leading and what the end would look like.  God has a calling on my life and returning to school was to be an act of obedience and faith.  Here is the thing: God has a calling for each of us, and that calling is a gift.  

This week we begin a very special 40 Day Spiritual Journey based on Rick Warren’s book What On Earth Am I Here For?

This Sunday we will be talking about (you guessed it) our calling - what that means, how to figure it out, and once you’ve figured it out... then what?

THEN on Sunday evening at 7 pm we will gather as a community to eat, drink, get to know one another better and break into smaller groups for a chit chat!  It will be great and there may even be a surprise or two.  I promise it will be worth it.  Don’t want to come alone?  Why not invite a friend or neighbour to join you?  You will be glad you came.

Please plan to join us!